The Thin Line Between Love and Hate
November 11th, 2009
There is a story in the Bible about a man who was a lovesick fool. “In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David” (2 Samuel 13:1). Amnon became “frustrated to the point of illness” (v. 2) because he could not have her. The likely reason he believed he could never have her was the prohibition against marrying one’s half-sister (Leviticus 18:11). A similar law was violated in the New Testament when Herod Antipas married Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife (Matthew 14:3; Leviticus 18:16). John the Baptist said of this relationship, “It is not lawful for you to have her” (Matthew 14:4). These laws have to do with sex and marriage within degrees of relationship.
Amnon’s wicked friend, Jonadab, noticed his lovesick condition. He asked, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning?” (2 Samuel 13:4). Amnon replied that his love for Tamar made him feel this way. So, Jonadab devised a plan that would allow Amnon to be alone with Tamar so he could force her to have sex with him.
This story illustrates the many ways in which love can be derailed. First, it shows there is a thin line between love and hate. After Amnon raped Tamar, the Bible says, “he hated her more than he had loved her” (v. 15).
Second, Amnon is an example of instability in a romantic relationship. Notice how quickly he alternates between love and hate. On the one hand, he is desperate to be alone with Tamar, but then he is desperate to have her removed from his presence. He says, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). When Tamar stays and argues with him about the wrong that his been done to her, he refuses to listen to her. He calls his servant and says, “Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her” (v. 17).
Third, Amnon is unwilling to control his strong feelings and becomes frustrated if he does not immediately get what he wants. He is impulsive and reckless in fulfilling his desires.
Fourth, Amnon is delusional about his relationship with Tamar. He assumes she will accept his advances and, if not, he can force himself on her without any consequences. He assumes, for example, that his father will not care and Absalom will not be offended that his sister has been violated. Notice that he does not anticipate the possibility that his feelings might change after he sins against Tamar. Amnon is acting like a fool and does not realize it. Tamar desperately tries to get him to see this. She says, “And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel” (v. 13).
Finally, Amnon is self-centered and has no regards for the rights of others. He has a sense of entitlement to the affections of his half-sister and he exploits and takes advantage of Tamar to achieve his own gratification. Amnon ignores her when she pleads, “What about me?”
The story of Amnon illustrates what not to do in finding romance and any one of his mistakes can ruin a relationship.
J B Myers
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